


Begin Again

by oikarage (ellora678)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Panic Attacks, i kinda bullshited it, my school essay turned into an au, not any one of them tho, oikawa is suffering I'm sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:13:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26857264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ellora678/pseuds/oikarage
Summary: “The disease spares no mercy, Hajime. Did you forget?”
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Oikawa Tooru, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	Begin Again

Suddenly, his world came crashing down. 

The room started to shrink without a care in the world. He could feel his legs turn into jello, wobbling around like flickering candlelight. He felt like he was trapped in a glass jar, confined and restricted. His body trembled like a volcano erupting after years of being dormant, the intensity so strong his heart shook in his ears.

‘It’s a panic attack.' Oikawa thought to himself, clutching his chest as he felt claws scratching the back of his throat, his lungs desperately grasping for air. His vision started to blur as if he was looking through a stained glass while his hands worked to find his phone. 

With trembling hands, he dialed a number he had on the back of his head. A number that played like a broken record amid his raging thoughts.

“Oi, shitty- hey- Tooru, what’s wrong?” a deep, gruff voice rang with worry through the phone.

“I-its happening…it’s happening a-again” he gasped, the trails of sweat trickling down from his mop of black curls, decorating his forehead with a damp layer perspiration. 

“Hey, hey, breathe for me, Tooru” Iwaizumi whispered into the phone. 

“I tried- I tried to calm down. I did, I swear I did but…but the moment I opened my eyes; the moment I laid my eyes on the stone, I couldn’t stop it.” he sobbed into the phone. His tears were clouding up his vision, endless streams of tears were pouring out from the pair of blue eyes that carried sorrow wherever he went. 

“Hey, babe, come on, focus on my-“ 

“I KILLED HER, IWA” he yelled into the device “the disease spares no mercy, Hajime. Did you forget?” he ended with a whisper, silent sobs were starting to escape from his mouth.

The line was silent, he could only hear his pants resonate across the cold and empty room he camped in for the last 2 months

“Hanahaki, the disease of the flower of unrequited love. A disease where no one can recover until the other returns their feelings; a terminal condition where you constantly puke out flower petals coated with your own blood as you fall deeper in love with a person you can never have. DID YOU FORGET, HAJIME?” he screamed into the phone. 

Anyone could hear the agony that laced his voice, the guilt that hid between the lines of his words. Anyone could see the guilt that built up inside of him, the self-pity twisted his gut like a wrench. It was his fault. All of it.

“…I could never, Oikawa. How can I forget such phenomena?” Iwaizumi finally mumbled, after a few seconds of silence “but listen to me when I say this, Oikawa. It was never your fault. She didn’t die because she was forced to love you, she died because she chose to love you until the end of her days. Babe, it was her choice. You have to listen to me.”

Tooru squinted his eyes shut, he let his tears spill on his tear-stained cheeks. He couldn’t bear with the pain or the guilt. He couldn’t bring himself to move on nor could he tear his ears away from the rundown device he had in his death grip.

“It’s been 2 months, bubs. You need to learn to let go of her. Would you let me help?” Iwaizumi soothed from the other side. 

Oikawa didn’t answer. He let the air around him tremble, he let the air around him rumble silently as he let his thoughts run wild. He felt as if he was being sucked up in a void, drowning in the mummers, the whispers, the playlist of the dead. 

“Tooru, you know I’ll always be there for you.” Iwaiumi whispered into his mic, hoping his voice could carry the desperation as he spoke. “I’ll come over in a few but for now, would you listen to my instructions?” he muttered, refusing to raise his voice. He was afraid that if he was any louder, he would scare him away. 

Oikawa let the question hang in the air, all he could hear was his broken sobs and heart-wrenching whimpers. He wondered if he deserved a chance; to let go of the unfortunate, to let go of the inevitable disaster that a heartbreak could cause. It was pathetic, really. It was so pathetic, he felt disgusted as he let himself grab the chance.

“…okay.” Oikawa nodded, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. His knuckles grew from paperwhite to the pale brown skin the moment his grip slackened on the phone.

Oikawa let the wave of warmth wash through his body as he absentmindedly followed the hushed, soft whisper of instructions. He let his lungs take deep and slow breaths while his body relaxed into a state of tranquility. His eyes glazed over the night sky as he watched the stars dance across the dark canvas with such glee, he let out a soft smile. 

For a small moment, he let himself go. He felt himself unleashing the guilt and emotions bottling up inside of him like Pandora’s box. Finally, he put a pause on the playlist of the dead.

Finally, he let himself begin again.

**BONUS**

“Oikawa- baby, I’m here” Iwaizumi rushed in, his hair tousled from the night wind. 

“‘m here,” Oikawa mumbled into the sofa before sitting up to greet his lover. 

Iwaizumi didn’t waste a second. the moment he saw the frayed brunette lifting himself to sit up, he rushed forward, delicately placing his arms around his boyfriend. 

Iwaizumi placed his head on top of his as he slowly pressed Oikawa closer to him, engulfing him with his scent and warmth. he could still hear the muffled sniffles Oikawa let out when he tightened his arms around the brunette.

“I’m here, Tooru. I’m here” iwaizumi planted a kiss on his forehead after he whispered the words of comfort into Tooru’s hair. Pulling away, he planted a kiss on both his eyelids. 

Then, imperfectly perfect his nose. 

his tear-stained cheeks. 

his ice-cold ears. 

his chiseled jaw.

Finally, Iwaizumi pressed his lips against the other, his hands gently tilting Tooru’s head. his fingers hovered over his skin like it was porcelain, holding him with the utmost care he could muster. Their lips moved in such delicacy, the tenderness of their lips tingled across their body, hoping it would give them at least a sense of comfort for the night.

“Iwa chan” Oikawa mumbled against the chapped lips in between kisses right before he whispered “I love you”

Iwaizumi smiled into the other's lips, pecking his boyfriend one more time, whispering a breathy “I love you too” against his philtrum. Both of them perfectly content in the embrace, bringing both of them to their utopia.

_“While flower blooms and falls scars cure and buds shoot  
We are living our first and last moment  
So I won’t take you for granted  
Because you loved me as I am”  
-Fallin’ Flower [Seventeen] _

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry this is my first fic *sobs* Thank you for reading my drabble <3


End file.
